That was what I started this blog for anyway.
And now we’re a few days into 2016.
I was thinking, all this #newyearnewyou stuff has never really resonated with me. It’s not to say I’m not inspired by the idea of a fresh start. I just think if you’re not setting goals for yourself year round, and working on them year round, what difference will the beginning of the year make for you?
Maybe this blog is more-anxious, confessional missive, than- productive thinking from which someone else could learn, but I’ve actually set and worked on many goals over 2015. Most of them I will keep working on this year. And out of those I’ve made some new ones.
- Make time again for the things I love.
- Redevelop the healthy habits I used to have.
- Learn to accept that some things just do not change.
- Learn to accept and love myself for everything I am at the present.
- Change up my exercise habits. Something different and fun.
- Choose happy and let go of angry.
I actually made progress on all of these this past year.
I took a beginning drawing class to relax on Saturday mornings. I’ve always wanted to learn to draw. Or at least to try. (I have much to practice.)
I’ve been spending time away from Netflix to read. I started For Whom the Bell Tolls this weekend. I wanted to see if I could appreciate now some of the literature I had to rush through reading in college. And I do.
I’m a lot less angry now than I was at the beginning of 2015. Having a cat to distract me and give me snuggles helps a lot. But I put in some effort too. I realized that selfish people make the choice to be that way, and I can’t change them. I can’t influence their decisions by hurting myself to make them happy. They are happy for 30 seconds that I did what they wanted, and then they criticize something else.
I can now say that I’m intelligent and beautiful and really believe myself. I still feel unattractive sometimes. Bloated or greasy or tired or crabby. But I have this wonderful ability to be creative, to make something beautiful out of nothing. I have a very sharp sense of intuition. I have a smile that makes others smile too. Not everyone thinks these traits are valuable. But I do. So they can kindly fuck off. 🙂
I’ve gained 10 or 15 pounds, and lost them again. I followed 3 different yoga instructors online, and now I’m doing cardio and strength training. In case you’re wondering, I went from DDP Yoga, to Yoga with Adrienne, to Fightmaster Yoga, and now to Blogilates with Cassey Ho. Yoga is my exercise home. I’m just on vacation right now with Blogilates. And it is really fun!
I still have work to do though.
I’m not writing in my journal every day like I used to. I’m not writing any fiction regularly like I used to. I still get angry at people’s behavior while I’m at work or out running errands, even though I know I can’t change their minds. I still have days where I feel just so small and I can’t seem to figure out what my purpose is in the world. I still find myself trying to make other people happy when I know I will just end up hurt and they won’t care about what I did for them.
But the work on these goals happens year round. And I may never be able to let go of all the things that make me angry that I can’t change. Or maybe I’ll get bored of Blogilates in a month and gain 5 pounds. At least I’m working toward something.
Who cares what time of year it is? If you want to change something or start something, go ahead. You don’t need anyone else’s approval, or social media approval, or a goddamn hashtag to do it.